Post edited 10:17 pm – Thu 15 Jul 2010 by Tufty

So this is the The Green Room is it? Looks like the place for me, I'm rarely without a drink these days. What with the bloody grey squirrels and Mr and Mrs Toad revving their way along every rat run in the country. Even if I could get up the courage to cross the road again, there wouldn't be any nuts left on the other side.

I thought I would be sitting back on my bushy tail and enjoying retirement now. I still do the occasional voice over for RoSPA, but my heart's not in it anymore. I'm still there in the literature and on the mugs in the online shop, but what nobody knows is, I haven't been able to step off a curb since I lost my nerve back in the 90s.

My comeback tour they said, should never have agreed to it. The drink helped to begin with, but by mid-afternoon I would be jaywalking to a cacophony of horns and screams. It was just so different to the old days. More Toads, bigger Toads, faster Toads, so many Toads!

To cap it all, while I was away, my home was felled to make way for a new toadway! So when they released me from the nursing home I had nowhere to go, except the bins out the back of Willy Weasel's bar.

Sometimes, before unscrewing another bottle top, I wonder if I just made things worse. Once I'd taught the kids not to step out into the road and to wait for the Toads, there was no need for the Toads to slow down or take care. Maybe I had it all back to front?

PC Badger said speed was good for the economy, good for our pensions, good ol' BP, "oil is black gold Tufty" he used to say. Didn't do PC Badger much good though, mown down by a UK Mail van competing for Postman Pat's round.

Just progress I guess, nothing I could do to change that. One more for the toad Willy?